What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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