Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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