I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
