Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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