remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
