Ambien. No doubt about it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
