Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
