my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
