I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
