I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Less talking, more tequila
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
