I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize