Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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