eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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