I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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