So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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