no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's blow job season.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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