I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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