apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
