i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
