You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
