She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
