my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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