I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
