hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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