Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
