i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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