Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
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