Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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