Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
