i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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