Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
