Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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