you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
