Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
