I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
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Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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