i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
