you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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