If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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