I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
