I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
