In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
