Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
