My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My feet surprised me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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