if you like me you must not know who I am
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
