My friends, they love my intelligence
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
