i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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