I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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