your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
