last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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