she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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