I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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