apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize