The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
