My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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