Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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