Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
