hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Someone shattered a urinal.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
