I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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