This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
