Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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