One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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