At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
