I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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