i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
