I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
