her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
