DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
