Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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