I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we should paint friendship bongs
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