Screwed.edu
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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