I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
