dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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