first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.