Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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