That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
