sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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