You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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