I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
