I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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