Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
