we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize