i just wanna soil my oats bro
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
