Kiss
Puke
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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