Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
